Identity Crisis 2: Miseducation

Two weekends ago, a close friend told me that one of her friends called her and told her that her friend committed suicide for not appearing on the graduation list for the second time. My world froze for a second!

Was it the way we were raised to think that we can’t amount to anything if we don’t excel academically? I don’t know at what point in time when this system corrupted our culture but today, I hope to set you free from the bondage that comes with the formal education sector.

Through my education, I have always been a bright student; but not a top student! I realize most of our parents want us to be top students. Fail all you can, but you had better return with the position of ‘first’ on your report card—First or top ten!

My name used to help me escape the beatings. Teachers always misspelt it; ‘Bidirenka’ ‘Birwenkya’ ‘Big-quencher’… ha, my mom and dad were more furious about that over my performance.

I always caught stuff off the blackboard. I don’t recall reading hard, but I was always in a fair position. That’s until I started growing. Around senior three, I felt so dumb, even if I had already achieved lowkey fame in school.

Those aggregates were annoying. I used to console myself by saying, ‘many had performed worse’. My best friend used to literally compete with me; refusing to show me his mark if I had performed better than him, and showing it if he had performed better.

Another top student was my desk mate in senior four. I used to get the inverse of what he always got. When I got 37, he could get 73 percent in the same, ‘…and yet you are desk mates?’ people would jeer. Poor performance made me DISQUALIFY my talents. I felt like the art, the talking, the writing & the singing were all useless at this point.

It was really tough for the next two years. I pursued Physics Maths and Art. Which I’d get F, F and an A respectively, most times. I managed to get D, D and B in the end! I wondered what happened to the Art A! I drew confidence having seen another friend who had got BOO (B in Maths) I was like ‘… at least I have three principal passes!’

Oh, the talents I trolled and the dreams I buried just in the name of being academically sound! My mom used to worsen things when she compared me to other cousins who got 15 and 18 in senior four, yet I had a 22 in 8. I felt triumph when I had defeated some cousin who had a 28! But what was the point-wicked satisfaction?

I must say. All of us in one way or another adopted education as our identity. Perform well and your parents will be happy for you! They’ll approve of you! Perform badly and you are worthless; You won’t become that lawyer or engineer! Oh, how my brain fought and wore out just to keep up with this drama.

I have twin siblings who follow me. The boy, has always had passes and failures for grades. But he has ‘natural’ entrepreneur knowledge and creative hands on skills. He can wake up and go out & return with money he didn’t steal.

He can buy something so cheaply and sell it at a profit. He has a good social network, and knows somebody who can do whatever someone might need. But sadly, we’ve overlooked those and called him lazy academically!

His twin sister is a book-aholic, but the books don’t quite like her back. In her senior four she had late nights and early mornings of reading. She was called a night dancer because of trans night reading. When the results returned, she had 29 in 8. Those she used to read with were floating with 10s in 8 and 12s in 8. It broke her heart! She literally took out her anger by breaking some furniture at home! How would you help such a one!

Still under this doggone system, Kyambogo university had already been discredited by many people. They told me it was an institution for ‘local’ people who attend lectures in unmatching and differently colored slippers.

When Makerere university didn’t admit me for my diploma, I hoped it would for bachelor’s! It was the same story! Though I had already seen the advantages of Kyambogo, the negativity that had been told about it had already corrupted my pure mind!

Now at the end of my diploma, I had a 4.2 GPA with straight As and Bs, except for one course unit where the lecturer awarded me a 49! I tried to talk to the in-charge. Many bribed to have their marks changed. I didn’t have the kind of money they were offering. Only prayers and lining up again and again and pleading with the lecturer is all I could.

I couldn’t stand the shame! I didn’t cancel the graduation.

‘I have such a dope brain. That lecturer was beefing!’ I consoled myself.

I told my mom & guardians I was graduating! Good enough none of them came to attend the event. I told them the booklets having names weren’t enough! And that transcripts were being given out the following January since diploma names are not read during graduation.

I got away with it. I’m sure y’all liked my facebook post. I had over 400 likes ey! I had made it in life! Later I lied my parents that my transcript was missing, due to a missing mark. I refused to plainly admit that I had failed! And so, I re-sat the exam under the cover that the lecturer had misplaced my past paper altogether.

I still got a 56 and re-graduated. But I lied. I lied just to get a few hundred likes and your approval. So that you’d know me as a sharp mind. But I’m done with that bull…
I hurt my special friend; the Holy Spirit. Bearing a lie that led to another. He told me; ‘Yes read all you can, understand what you can and if the results return, know that you did your best and that’s what came out of it.

Let your identity be in God, in I, in the Word. In me is who you are; loved regardless of your performance.’
When your identity comes from education, that means if you stop taking courses, you’ll die. I have seen a 60-year-old guy at campus. Rumors have it that even his children are studying with him. Every time I see him, he is doing a different course. He’s supposed to be retired. That sounds like bondage to me. This man knows that once he stops ‘studying’, death will be moonwalking by. Does he know his purpose? I wonder!

Let’s not get to that point! Where we think life is all about getting good grades and a career! Discover your purpose early and go for it!

I’m not proposing sitting home and refusing to go to school. I’m against compromising our values and virtues just to gain approval by education. I’m against judging and concluding someone’s personality just because they failed academically. Not everyone’s destiny or greatness will flourish out of studying chemistry or trigonometry.

Some will be great because of their ability to act or talk. The international curriculum has a part where students can groom their talents in either sports or the arts, unlike the local curriculum which in general, is flawed!

How many boys in high school were stars on fields only to become dumb ones when the academic reports came out! I fear we could have killed the next Usain Bolts or Ronaldinhos. (Though even if we had saved them, I still wouldn’t advise them to draw their identity from the talent, cause imagine they lost one of their legs!) Would that mean God still wouldn’t use them? If you say yes, then you haven’t heard of Nick Vujicic.

As I wind this up, meet Shelah Owino in the photo below. She walked around with this crisis unbeknownst to her. What that means is, millions of us have found ourselves trying to be academic achievers, subtly, not knowing that we were running away from something or trying to prove something.

Shelah was molested when she was 5. It was a tragic time in her life. So young, so pure, now defiled. She says she resorted to eating as her reaction. She gained so much weight and wore buggies to hide the fact that she was a lady.

By that time, she must have had regrets of being female. She confesses she didn’t know, but recently as a lady spoke about defilement, her eyes opened. You see Shelah has been an academic achiever, up until today.

She’s one out of the top 6 2021 science students to graduate with a first-class degree from Makerere University. She was the best from the College of Engineering Design Art & Technology (CGPA 4.67)

She just realized that all this trying to be a best student throughout her education was a way of getting back at what had happened when she was 5. It’s like her identity had been stolen at that time, and now, she realized that she was worthwhile, if she not only FAILS academically.

She had to maintain her position as top-top student in order to receive validation from school mates unconsciously. She was drawing her identity from academics. She says she has repented. That she is still beautiful and gorgeous whether she’s a top student or not. (For more of her story, look out for her book ‘Set free 100%’ for more of her story or call 0705097761/0775345404)

Now, I pray you find comfort for having never performed quite as well as your parents or guardians expected you to and to know that it is okay. You’ll still be great! May your purpose in life find you. And for those who did perform excellently, well done.

This is not to guilt trip you. I pray you don’t disappear off the globe after having received those good grades. That you’ll pursue your dreams with the same determination you’ve always had and that you are forgiven by whoever you’d have hurt intentionally or accidentally in your academic journey.

That you too will do things that no one in your family has ever done before! And that all in all, for all categories of us; not to miss the big picture, and to ensure that our children and their children never have to draw their identity from the fact whether they were able to get an A or an F on their report card but from a deeper cause that will last forever!

I just received my bachelor’s results of the semester before covid struck. I had 2 seventies, 1 sixty and four 50 per cents! Yes 50 sharp!!! I wished my marks were as pretty as Shelah’s; but I simply thanked the Lord and moved on. I did my best and this was the outcome. I’m not ashamed! I’m glad that I’m free and that none of these justify or define me. I’ll still make a great architect.

I’m glad education put us on the same speed with the rest of the world. But … don’t end your life because of academics. Don’t kill your dreams because of academics. Don’t live your life based on your past academic life… Receive the oil of joy for mourning. Get done with grading being a factor that determines whether your unlimited potential must be tapped into or not!

Share your educational crisis in the comments. Let’s laugh about and heal over it.

If you missed part one, read it here;