We must carefully examine our intentions or impressions on others. Sometimes we preach, but the end is for no other reason but to control others, or ensure something is in our proximity.
Let me give examples; I know a widow who desired to rebuild her house. The garage was turned into an extra bedroom, but like all cliche reforms, it was to be dubbed a visitors’ room — visitors who never want to sleepover; visitors who come annually or never; and one of the woman’s sister said, “That will be our room when we come.”
But the widow’s 4 boys thought the older would sleep in it … and the younger 2 in the old boys’ room, leaving one other bedroom for 2 girls, and the master for the widow. Most times, the sisters to her share her room when they come around, but I felt like her sister opposing to have a room to her — yet she’s rarely or never around — qualifies to be a little selfish.
I don’t know what you think.
Let me give another example; Dhalia, my cousin was always there, but we had never bonded until late 2022 and the entire 2023. She then mentioned plans of moving to Canada but they were all under wraps.
I was afraid. I didn’t want her to go. I always said I’d pray for her; but on the other hand, I always exclaimed, but this might not even be God’s will for her!
It was quite conflicting! I’d pray ‘God won’t withhold your desires from you…’ But on the other hand, and I am brutally honest — I never wanted the thing to go through. (Please forgive me sweet Dhalia 🥹)
November came, and her faith surely prospered! She’s been in Canada for a year now.
Amidst all that, God talked to me, brutally honest, and said, ‘Son, you were selfish. Yet love is not.’ I asked Him what He meant!
‘You grew too fond of her love, that it blinded you of her own desires. You wanted her for you. To stay. To rather be around for you, despite her happiness. Which is not the way of love.’
This cut me deep. I teared; and recovered; and repented; and learned. Now when I see her, I can see her purely — minus me in the picture. I am happy that she is where she’s always wanted to be for 13 years. And it is a lesson for us. To be happy for others minus them necessarily having to contribute to our pleasing or happiness or pleasure.
My little sister is another guinea pig. I have found myself forcing her to wear some specific attire! I pretend that she looks good in it! But underneath it all; I was selfish! God pointed out to me that I was!
Brutally honest…
I never thought about how uncomfortable she was in that heel, or dress! I just wanted her to look good for me! And not to embarrass me! As if she has no right of say!
The next time you advise, or do what you want to do especially when others are involved, may God judge you mercifully, to make you a better version of you until you are like Christ.
Another example could be; if you are a girl and you know that your friend loves red, but you insist on buying her your favorite colored gifts without considering the fact that she dislikes that color! It’s even more toxic when that gift is in her favorite color but you lie that that color had run out!
We feed people things we like but they hate; but we don’t mind! As long as we are okay! We take them to our favorite restaurants, even when we offered them a meal. We refused intentionally to ask where they’d love to go! Cloth brands?! They might not be fans of the brand you like! But you insist on it and gift them! Yet they wanted subtle things and not loud gucci or YSL!
Ah … little wicked and righteous we!
His Spirit still has alot to do! In me and in you! Thrust yourself now, in His arms again, and ask Him to remould your heart! For if He is love, and we are His children — if we are joined to Him in one Spirit — we must learn the way of love and be what love is … and love is not selfish or self seeking!
God help us! God mould us! God help us!
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Love is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. 1 Corinthians 13:5 AMP
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