The Blame Game

The twins that follow me turned 21 today; and I’d like to celebrate them in word. I’ll begin with Nakato Julian: the girl that was fatter than her brother at birth. She typed over 350 pages of one of my books, and 250 of another’s, all on a low quality smart phone in her senior six vacation. That’s resilience right there.

Julian also did high school for 7 years. She has always wanted to be a doctor. But in senior five, while offering BCM, she got 3 points. Option A was to change her school while she advanced to senior six. She refused. She told her mother that if she changed school, she’d never understand why she failed. Thus she repeated senior five. And in the end of it all, she scored 13 — and is now pursuing clinical medicine.

It’s not usual to find teens that can face their fears, especially the fear of failure. For that I commend her. She has grit and courage.

Her twin, Isingoma Julius Christopher on the other hand didn’t let his academic ineptitude hinder him. Since way back, father used to make us line up every evening from first born to last and ask us to voice out what each of us would be. Emma would say engineer. I was the lawyer. Julian was the doctor, Edgar was too young to speak, and Julius used to say ‘driver’.

Now we used to burst out in laughter, and dad thought perhaps Julius’ mind would change in the long run, but it didn’t. At 16, Topher had already learnt how to drive (of which I haven’t even tackled yet). He acquired permit documents years later and is now hired to drive vehicles to washing bays, look after them or just chauffeur owners to their destinations, and he gets cash for it.

The bias thinking that drivers don’t make money was all changed when movements like uber came up. I came to realize that it’s not just academic skills obtained that attract monetary value; solving problems such as transportation or providing services such as comfort & convenience do too.

It’s a good side income stream for Julius as he continues his further studies. He’s always been the handy one, fixing radios and TVs and fridges while the rest of us showed off with terms that would never apply in our lives, such as atoms or covalent bonds.

Overall, what I like about these two is how fast they matured. Dad left us while they were 7. I thought they’d ask me where father had gone. I thought they’d blame someone for his death, and I thought self pity would clutch them in its claws. Shockingly, they took responsibility for their lives regardless of the personal challenges they’ve had.

Many of us today blame the government, the president, the weather, and so and so for our situation. Please don’t misquote me for people who’ve been injured by others. I’m talking about the laziness most of us wallow in, reluctant to change our situations for the better thinking that someone else should do it for us. If we are not keen, many of us are going to invite colonization back, only that this time, it’ll be individual and not national.

Some students say they failed because the lecturer was fast. But as they fail, among them, there are others who excelled.

It’s natural for us to blame others for particular things, but I realized, if we blame ourselves first for anything, wars would cease and peace would prevail. Repentance would lead and reconciliation would proceed. Adam was swift to say Eve gave him the fruit. He threw the blame quickly to his wife. The wife also mimicked him, and threw the blame on the snake. But didn’t Eve know that she wasn’t to eat of the fruit. Couldn’t Adam have asked first whence the fruit came!

When we keep blaming others, we slowly wind down the self-pity road as though to say someone else is responsible for our lives, or for the progress in life, and yet the primary driver of that is you!

If that’s not the case, then that means because these children’s father isn’t around anymore, then what they wanted to be ceased. But the mere fact that they are partly or are on the journey of their childhood visions or dreams, then that only means that the blame game won’t save you. You have to pick up that pen and write your story. You’ll have to somehow forge your way to where you want to be just like these kids.

Perhaps your father wasn’t present in your life to pay your fees. Sorry about that. But you can as well devise means of getting yourself back to school. Kids in the villages go farming or lay bricks and sell them to make ends meet. They are not blaming their parents for being born underprivileged. They are rather working towards privilege.

Once we take the blame personally, if we are humans that desire a good life — which I believe we all want — we’ll work tooth and nail to fix the problem. If keep asking gavumenti etuyambe, we might die still asking.

The duality of this goes to the antonym of blaming. The warning here is for children who have been born with silver spoons in their mouths. Some think they have no need to work or to understand how the money they boast about comes to the family.

These children must understand that those things belong to their parents unless if written legally that the property or asset belongs to them. If they inherit the wealth, they might squander it because of the lack of knowledge on how to run it, which goes back to irresponsibility (of having not bothered to understand the cycle) in the first place. I know it’s overwhelming, but I pray that you understand that growing up began the day you left the womb. Let me conclude with this example:

Patrick Bitature, one of the richest Ugandan men had it easy when he was much younger (close to being born with a silver spoon in the mouth). His dad was rich, but along the way, he died and all privileges left the family. Patrick being the first born child — if I recall — says he had to work tirelessly to restore the past glory of the family. He’d have let his mother or relatives sweat to enable the rest of the family survive, but his taking up the responsibility for not only his success but his entire family’s then, has positioned him where he is now…

Returning us to the point of celebrating these wonderful two kids who are portraying the same trait of one taking entire responsibility for their life, which I hope you adapt today.

Happy Birthday my champs! Strength and honor are your clothing. And may strangers attend to your flocks and be your plowmen.

Love you,

Your Role Model. (As you claim)

Julian

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1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.