Maturity

I had wanted to name this article ‘adulting’, but that would not have brought out what I’d like us to learn today. For not every adult is mature, even if they are above 18. The word after all takes its origin from the word ‘adoloscent’…

On Saturday the 28th of May, I attended a glorious wedding for two awesome friends of mine. By attending, I mean, I was able to go for the reception as well, for many don’t consider the church part as ‘attendance’.

It had taken a while, for it had ceased to be like this. The last I had gone to a reception was in November 2019. The lockdown changed a lot the following year having the introduction of scientific weddings, which had very minimal wedding guests.

Attending weddings then became a privilege!

In late 2020, there was a wedding of a friend that finally happened. O how we had prayed for it to come to pass! This was in August. I pulled out my Sunday best. I felt entitled. I mean … I was one of the leading prayer warriors (even if I hadn’t contributed that much financially 😂) & the mukolo had been postponed more than twice. When it finally occurred, I knew I had to be one of the people to jubilate with the couple. Both at church & at the reception!

Oops!

After church, there were those careful whispers where which no one bothered to come my direction. I immediately smelt something wrong! Yes you guessed right. I was NOT invited for the reception. It was exceedingly limited to family and to about 10 friends if I recall. I had told home people I wasn’t coming back for their ‘usual’ lunch 😂.

I was slapped in the face. I had to force a friend to ‘house’ me KFC in the name of catching up. I returned home at about 6pm to pretend to my family that I had made it for the reception.

As occasion has it, many of us, get angry, enraged and worked up when we are not treated the way we think we deserve. And for the first time, it wore off since, well, I’d understood the whole ‘scientific wedding’ situation and covid threatening!

The next wedding was in late 2021. And oh boy, this one I was doubly entitled! I was so close to this friend that some friends thought we were a thing! Nop! I didn’t even know where the churching was to happen! My family was so shocked. “We expected you to be among the invitees…”

There was a wreck in my heart, starting to build and accept all that hate speech that the world gives. “How can your friend not invite you? Unfriend them!” I’m sure you’ve heard such. I began to think I wasn’t as important as I thought I had been to all these ‘inner circle’ people. Or maybe they were in my inner circle, and I wasn’t in theirs… Maybe people are not as much friendly as I am to them. Maybe they don’t deserve me… Peradventure I won’t invite them for my wedding!

Can you see the kind of thoughts that were running through my mind?!

Another wedding happened in January this year. You might have thought that I had learnt my lesson. No bruh—I was still in over my head. I had already played out how I was going to kunyumisa the mukolo. I had been dubbed ‘the life of the party’. If I didn’t go, who’d crack the jokes? … I was hopeful. I wore white trousers and a killer blazer…only to witness what I did 2 years ago—careful whispers…and invitation cards bypassing me after the service.

I swallowed saliva!

A friend to the weds came and politely took my present from my hands saying ‘I’ll deliver this to them on your behalf.’ DANG IT! I just knew it. No reception again! I had to go back home, my white trousers still very clean that I just folded them again back into the closet.

And those nasty thoughts came again. I was angry, vehement, disappointed … and voilà… there appeared God, seated across the dining table as I ate kalo and ebbo for lunch that day at home.

“Anything you’ve to say?…” I asked Him telepathically.

“Well, I am sorry I made you an extrovert!”

I scoffed! Almost picking up my platter of the last meal I wished to be having then.

“You know this is all for your good. Right?”

“My good?… My GOOD?! ARE YOU HEARING YOURSELF?”

It’s like God was unamused, serving Himself some kalo as well from the seat across the table, ever so gently, bothering not to reply me at all, waiting for me to cool down.

And when I did…

“This is all to mature you my boy.” He swallowed His kalo as He continued, “Understanding is a sign of maturity. Not everything is supposed to revolve around you. Maybe they forgot to invite you. You have to be so understanding. Maybe they had a limited budget to work with. You have to be understanding. You’re not their only friend they didn’t invite. You have to be understanding! Understanding is when Joseph looked back and realized that even when his brothers meant it for evil, I meant it for good.”

I sat down. Chewing my food so slowly.

“Do you remember, when your father or mother refused to buy you that one specific toy, one time? Did that make you unfather or unmother them? When you made that stupid mistake… Did they ‘unborn’ you as their child? No?… Then understand that just because your friends didn’t invite you for one event, that that makes them enemies. There will be other events! You said you won’t invite them for your wedding! If you do do you think the world will stop spinning because you didn’t invite two or six people! NO! Comprehend dear child, that to be mature is to be understanding.”

Lastly He added,

“Proverbs 25:6-7 says ‘Do not exalt yourself in the presence of the king, And do not stand in the place of the great; For [it is] better that he say to you, ” Come up here,” Than that you should be put lower in the presence of the prince, Whom your eyes have seen.’ What you’ve been doing is taking yourself to the VIP section of your friends’ lives, yet you don’t know them that well. You’d have rather sat at the back and then be called forward, but you didn’t know your place in their lives or at such events in their lives. I wanted you to learn this, and not to impose on how cool you think you are!

Maturity is also, self control. Apart from understanding, you have to deter your mind from certain thoughts. Of course you’re loved even if you weren’t invited. Control thine self from thinking ill of your friends even if they might do such. Don’t do evil because they didn’t invite you. Have a conscience void of offence. Don’t spill others’ secrets because yours were spilled by others. Don’t hurl back insults when you’re insulted. Don’t fight back when a man throws punches at you! Don’t tarnish the image of a girl because she dumped you. Don’t call a boy ugly or ‘user’ because he broke up with you

Don’t demand for cash you gave saying you lent it when stuff goes south. Don’t call your husband names in front of the children. Take your wife to the bedroom for that conversation and don’t humiliate her in front of her friends. Resist acknowledging the symptoms yet by faith you already accepted total healing. This is all self-control. That is maturity my son. Being humble that you may be exalted, rather than being exalted … to be humbled.

Maturity is keeping your cool when your friends forget your birthday. It is celebrating regardless your spouse even if she forgot about the anniversary. It is not backbiting him in front of your friends that He forgot the forth time now! Maturity is also love—covering a multitude of shortcomings & faults! Maturity is expressed in such three attributes.”

God had finished His lecature and kalo simultaneously . . . and to put this to a test, another wedding came in May. I contributed the best I could. But I was humble. I didn’t feel entitled to anything, and I had disciplined myself to know that it’d be well, whether I was to go for the scrumptious afternoon reception or not. A close friend had discovered of my experience of the past 3 incidences. He ensured that I appeared on this wedding’s afternoon list. He called me weeks before the wedding. Even then, I didn’t feel entitled.

On the 28th, after church, that friend passed by me and said my name had somehow disappeared as the reception cards were being written. I didn’t riot. The loss of entitlement saved me as I busied myself spreading the joy I could as I took photos of the lucky wedding guests before they would go further with the next item. As I was content, heading home, that friend ran to me and said ‘so and so are not around’… Come in their place.

I was so humbled, and privileged to be among those who celebrated with them.

I only called home thereafter to inform them how I wasn’t returning for lunch. Unlike in the past where entitlement proudly sat me at the reception before I could even get an invitation card…

I have learnt that being an adult doesn’t guarantee that one will be mature enough to understand or have self control or to love.

What’s been your side of maturing? Let me know in the comment section.

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Luke 14:8-10 “When you are invited by anyone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in the best place, lest one more honorable than you be invited by him; and he who invited you and him come and say to you, ‘Give place to this man,’ and then you begin with shame to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit down in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, go up higher.’ Then you will have glory in the presence of those who sit at the table with you.