MIND YOUR MARRIAGE

Dear just-married and unmarried yet reader, this is for US, a sad story we should avoid in our marriages… (A continuation to …’Before you say ‘I do’)

The Wahalas and the Echi-bobos are Nigandans {pronounced Nayi-ganda-n’z} (Nigerians born, raised and have acquired citizenship in Uganda) living in the same neighborhood. Mrs Wahala is a Christian, and Mister is a catholic.

They have children with the eldest as 20 and the rest being teenagers. Of recent, the neighborhood’s calm aura has had violent quarrels pervade it and its serene atmosphere filled with distracting noise from their home as early as 6:45am…

The reason turned out to be that Mister had had another child out of wedlock. Mrs made noise about it, and because he’s the man of the house, he cut off the wholesome allowance supply to his wife…

He stopped supporting her small business that gave her some income as a stay-at-home mother. She doesn’t have, clearly, affluent inner circle friends. They too can’t aid her out of her ditch, partly because they were employed by schools…

There’s tension this end of the street; the Wahala children loathe their father. He comes back at midnight & hoots. It’s not easy getting out of bed that late to open the gate for baba. Their delayal causes him to say,

‘Wetin dey happun, know ye not I’m koming back…Oya emeghe this gate before I show slap on your fe-so!’ Their anger instead gets stirred.

The Echi-bobos hear the quarrels early morning. They stare through their windows while still in their pajamas wondering what interrupted their beautiful dreams. ‘Kedu ihe na-aga?’ They ask (which means what’s going on) They continue to spy to try and find some answers.

They witness the entire scene, but none of the heads bother to intervene! Mrs Echi-bobo can’t help Mrs Wahala, she only provides a shoulder to cry on, and Mrs Wahala continues to pray that tho-nder strike the wicked man! But if tho-nder dare strikes Mr Wahala like she’s praying, will it be good to have the Wahala children fatherless?

On a totally different day, Mr Echi-bobo has a bad day at work. He returns home, and no one expects him to be hungry. From the blue, he extinguishes his aggravation on his daughter who was watching TV and thought he wasn’t hungry, because well, he never said a word. He goes like,

‘Ada, ah ah can’t you see my mouth waters for need of FUFU!’

Her daughter elucidates that there is no food left and that he should wait for supper. HO! All hell breaks loose. Mrs Echi-bobo jumps off a phone call she’s been on and dashes out to intervene. She curtsies as she says ‘Welcome back my husba…’ ‘I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU!’

He cuts her short loudly. By now all members of the house had garnered. Mrs tries to comprehend what the hell, that was… The fight takes a turn into pointing out each and everyone’s imperfection through blaming by Mr E. YES, he also points out how Mrs isn’t responsible enough…INFRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE; that is, five biological children, three other adults of which two are tenants who are renting a house in the backyard, a maid, a watchman, and two nieces and a nephew, witness Mrs E get embarrassed… She stares in shock and later runs to the master bedroom.

Tis clear that this isn’t the first time Mr Echi-bobo has done this.

In whispers and thoughts, children from both families say, ’If this is marriage, then I DO NOT WANT IT!’ It’s probable that both Mr Echi-bobo and Mr Wahala, either had no father figure in their lives or if they did, they learnt this behavior from them. Why then do I say, mind your marriage? It’s because you can clearly see that there are thousands of lives watching it!

And for this case, those many are being showed the wrong picture of marriage. The young males are siphoning up dark behavior subtly. Did you know that continuously looking at something, whether good or bad, opens a gate for the impartation of that very thing? Jacob made plain sheep drink and mate in front of streaked branches. The result? Spotted sheep!

We watch movies with vulgar language & never mind. Once I thought it was okay, until I began saying those obscene words. What had happened? Impartation by sight!

That’s why you should be careful what you watch other couples in the movies doing. If they back bite and cheat each other, the idea will be imparted into you. If they always fight & divorce, that will be an idea you carry & consider when your marriage comes around. How? Impartation by sight!

By that reason, the Wahala Juniors or Echi-bobo sons could find themselves treating their wives the same way if they keep witnessing their fathers act that way towards their mothers. The seed of disrespect will have been sown into them unbeknownst to them! How? Impartation by sight. The seed can be scorched to death however if they are shown how good marriage can be!

Anyway, I deem three causes to the violence happening in this story. They emerge out of three aspects; Respect, Submission, Accountability. Respect is to be given by the husband to the wife. He has to cover her. Take it to the bedroom at least, or a dinner at Serena, but not in front of the kids. One day, you and your bae will be all alone in that house.

Submission is the action to be taken by the ladies toward the husband, which we see portrayed well by both the wives, although submission means surrendering to your husband’s position of headship and provider of the family name but not sitting back to see him go astray.

Now perhaps Mrs Wahala craved much to see Mister not go astray, but who could she run to! Who could talk to him about his absurdity & put him back in line? God would be a great candidate, but one problem is, Mr Wahala hasn’t yielded to God so intimately that God would beseech him. In fact, he’s never had an experience where God talked to him and he listened, thus leading us to the third aspect of Accountability through community!

Absence of rings on fingers could be due to mere customary marriages and never taking the covenant of matrimony to the major witness; God. This leaves a gap as well in that both the misters can’t feel any remorse when they act the way they did, because Oluwa (God) was never invited to be a witness to keep them accountable. That’s why you my dear shouldn’t stoop low to mere co-habiting! Or getting a good looking spouse who ends up being something else after honeymoon.

If you are a lady or young man, before you say ‘I do’, ask yourself, ‘I’m I willing to submit to this man?’, ‘I’m I willing to love her like I love myself?’… Because if you love yourself so much, I’m quite certain you wouldn’t enjoy being thrown shade at in the presence of your friends or family, or you wouldn’t want to be the one being cheated on!

If you can answer these, then go on to ask the third question, ‘Do I have GOOD married couples that I look up to so that I can be accountable to?’ These are paramount such that in case Mrs or Mr is stressing you, you can vent, or ask them how they have handled it in case your spouse’s behavior is starting to look unbecoming.

A couple furthermore has to be planted in the same court. Only then shall it flourish! What I mean is, you and your boo should belong to the same church, lest there is imposing of queer doctrines in case each of you have different views concerning something.

We’ve learnt from the Wahalas, how Catholic and Christian didn’t work out, and I’m not saying all catholics are this way, but it states to me that there must be some fundamental objectives that are non-negotiable on ‘what you’re looking for in him or her’ beyond skin color and big hips or tribe and beard specification…unless God says otherwise.

In a nutshell, God has to say ‘yes’, you must be willing to submit or LOVE no matter what, and have married mentors’ whose fountains are flourishing gloriously for you to always drink from when you get stuck in your ‘until death do us apart’ love tale!

Once again, I am Biggie, and I’ll be launching a mentoring and counselling corporation to provide what seems to be some imo ati ogbon (knowledge and wisdom) I have attained but can seemingly prevent one of the biggest epidemics that is plaguing and creeping in, attacking the basic unit in our communities which is none other than families & their predestined functionality!

But to add one disclaimer; I declare that it’s too late for your marriage to fail. Hold onto this knowledge as you wait for the right one. As for now, keep minding your Father’s business…

Thanks for enduring this somewhat long passage. I’m beyond persuaded, that because of it, your marriage will be so much better!

Marry right!

[📸 by Mr & Mrs Samuel & Victoria Bbosa (Ambassadors of Good Marriage]